How do you find a nice guy

In fact, I have a tendency to date d-bags. The ones that are arrogant. The ones that lie, cheat, and lie again. The ones that withhold affection in order to gain power. How could I know that I have the tendency to do exactly this and yet continue to dive headfirst and knee-deep into the highs that come with catching the one who saves his affections only for the women ready to believe him? These men all share qualities that are not innately bad— in fact what makes these men appealing are the good qualities they all share: confident, outspoken, self-assured, aware.

SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Jordan Peterson: Why Do Nice Guys Nice Finish Last? (MUST WATCH)

Content:

• No More Mr. Nice Guy – Why women don’t like nice guys – Book Summary
• I Asked a Guy Where to Meet Good Men, and This Is What He Said
• How To Stop Being The Nice Guy With These 7 Tips!
• Nice Guy Syndrome Traits (What It Is & How To Beat It)
• Why I Don’t Date Nice Guys
• Why I Don’t Date Nice Guys

SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: How To Stop Being The Nice Guy! 5 Tips To Use NOW!

No More Mr. Nice Guy – Why women don’t like nice guys – Book Summary

In fact, I have a tendency to date d-bags. The ones that are arrogant. The ones that lie, cheat, and lie again. The ones that withhold affection in order to gain power. How could I know that I have the tendency to do exactly this and yet continue to dive headfirst and knee-deep into the highs that come with catching the one who saves his affections only for the women ready to believe him? These men all share qualities that are not innately bad— in fact what makes these men appealing are the good qualities they all share: confident, outspoken, self-assured, aware.

But in no time, he reveals that that confidence was truly arrogance and a lack of concern for others. The outspokenness a mask for unapologetic tactless, rude and inappropriate outbursts.

The awareness a tool for understanding and manipulating his captive audience. Well, women just like the challenge! Women inherently want to change, fix or save people! Clearly women who love d-bags have daddy issues. Those reasons make me cringe. I thought I had to settle and adopted exactly that same type of bullshit guess-some-things-never-change attitude. And after a few years of trying to figure this shit out? Familiarity can often feel like security, and security feels good even if what we thought was secure and safe was only familiar.

This shows up in my life a lot, not just in the world of dating. It is familiar for me to take on projects in the form of people, both in friendships and in relationships. It is familiar for me to be too empathetic , to take the blame, and to avoid conflict at all costs. It is familiar to me to want to help those who are mentally ill , even if that comes at the cost of my own mental well being. It is familiar to me to put myself last, and others first regardless of the costs.

Those things are all familiar to me. I grew up with three brothers, who I love dearly. But it is familiar to me to give each other shit, not talk about our feelings, and avoid talking about the hard stuff. It is familiar to love each other despite our differences and despite how hard it is to get along sometimes. None of these familiar things are safe if we define safe as good for me both mentally and physically. Familiar is not always safe. I get to be right about not being able to find any nice guys.

I get to be right about my belief that dating feels like rummaging through a dumpster looking for the least broken thing. But bigger than that, that little insecure part of me receives affirmation.

So, better buckle up and get used to it. As I continue to do that by making choices that are right for me and creating boundaries that keep me safe from just doing what feels familiar, the tiny girl in me that believes that this type of love is what I deserve gets smaller and smaller. I think the same reason I have trouble accepting love from nice men is for very similar reasons.

When something feels bad, I try to stop questioning it and trust it. They have the opportunity to show me what they want, and when they show me who they truly are— I fucking take that shit at face value.

Psychopaths, serial killers, probably even the current President of the United States. Recently, I realized a guy I went on a 2nd date with was actually a major d-bag. And immediately I liked him more. I recognized the fact that he and I would never actually be a good match in the world of dating, no matter what the learned and familiar instincts were telling me. I listened to the rational part of me that knew on the deepest level that he was someone to run from.

Two dates. Dating truly and not self-proclaimed nice guys guys is new and confusing too. But things are easier when I know that these are my tendencies. Do you have a history of dating the wrong types of men? Why do you think you do that? Share in the comments below. Last Updated on February 28, She started Clo Bare in to track her journey through some pretty tough shit including trauma therapy, eating disorder recovery, dating and relationships in a swiping age, and some general existential crises that go along with being something.

I totally understand you. I have two brothers and seeing how gross ans A-holes they can be with girls, I learned how to be an A-hol3 with boys too. Not only limited to my country but in all the places I have lived. I abused it until it got exhausting. It comes with age. Treat it like a social experiment and enjoy dating like you are an HR person looking for someone to do a job for you. Lol enjoy life. I love that— treat it like a social experiment like an HR manager.

Girl, I feel like we are connected in some way. I was always like this when I was dating, before I got married. I almost feel like you said word for word how I always felt.

Drawn to the wrong type of man, for some reason or another. And always eventually falling apart in the same ways. I used to feel that way too. The men I would find attractive did not ever seem like equal in mentality and maturity levels. Insecurities paired with social pressures completely overtook me. Oh, It was a dreadful cycle! I loved reading this because it reminded me of where I was and how far I have come in my journey to understanding myself and the choices I make.

Brilliant article! Your writing is easy to follow, I look forward to reading more! You know how NICE it is to hear that? As you know, I do the same thing. But this post was real and straight! For sure! I definitely have dealt with that as well. I enjoyed reading your personal opinion about the way you look for a kind of man you were seeking.

I am a man and i am learning something from you. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Unfortunately, many nice guys never finish last. They never seem to get what they are seeking in relationships. Studies show that women perceive nice guys as less assertive, less attractive and less sexually attractive.

Nice men with some sense of social dominance are more attractive. It happens quite a lot that women do not perceive nice men as attractive, or view assertion as attraction. Two thoughts— 1. I think that men can be assertive and nice. I got to a point for myself that I was fed up with my tendency to not date nice guys, and because of that I decided to work through it.

By Chloe Daniels. You Might Also Like. Reply Chloe Daniels January 24, at pm Haha! Reply Chloe Daniels February 28, at pm Haha! Reply Paul March 3, at am I enjoyed reading your personal opinion about the way you look for a kind of man you were seeking. Thank you!

I Asked a Guy Where to Meet Good Men, and This Is What He Said

That, gentlemen, is a fact. Why, you might ask, would a women want such a dysfunctional dating lifestyle and subsequent relationship? Well, because women are bizarre creatures and the reason I know that is because I am one. These are the kind of men who are already firmly in arsehole territory and we see straight through those pitiful eyes and the fake BS that comes out of your mouth. Or are you the nice guy who throws himself against the door and lets the girl through as well as the group of lurking men behind her and even introduce them to said girl?

A nice guy is an informal term for an often young adult male who portrays himself with characteristics such as being gentle , compassionate , sensitive and vulnerable. When used negatively, a nice guy implies a male who is unassertive, does not express his true feelings and, in the context of dating in which the term is often used [1] , uses acts of friendship and basic social etiquette with the unstated aim of progressing to a romantic or sexual relationship. The results of the research on romantic perception of "nice guys" are mixed and often inconsistent. Studies that explicitly use the term "nice guy" sometimes cite research that does not directly use the term, but which addresses behaviours which are often associated with disingenuous "niceness".

How To Stop Being The Nice Guy With These 7 Tips!

Women have a strong sense of intuition about things like this. A woman with a high sense of self-worth is even more aware something is wrong below the surface of this Nice Guy. There are Nice Guys and there are Good Men. Nice Guys have no sense of self-worth. So what are the traits of these low value Nice Guys? Nice Guys talk a lot about how nice they are. They make sure you know about their good deeds. Their dating profiles often talk about how they know how to treat a woman, or their social media feeds are full of memes about how a woman should be treated.

Nice Guy Syndrome Traits (What It Is & How To Beat It)

Are you wondering where all the nice guys are? Have you exhausted the bar scene and become sick and tired of having to lower the bar when it comes to finding a quality man? If you're looking to meet a guy who treats you well, respects you, and is genuinely kind through and through, these 11 places will help you to find that first-rate man. Who said nice guys finish last? If you're hoping to meet a nice guy, one of the top places to look is at a local charity , foundation, or philanthropic organization in your area.

Men who complain that they are unlucky in love despite their 'nice guy' persona may have a sinister agenda. The so-called 'Nice Guy', the often physically unattractive man who overcompensates with clingy and over-the-top behaviour to women, is relentlessly mocked online. Dr Robert Glover , who's studied the issue, says these men are often trying to form "covert contracts" with the target of their affections.

Why I Don’t Date Nice Guys

Good guys do exist. Here's the dating advice you need to let go of your relationship hang-ups and start meeting men. Move forward by not actually being able to go backward: Hide your ex on chat, delete his phone number, defriend him on Facebook and unfollow his Twitter.

Being told you should like a nice guy who you don't find attractive is the literal worst. I have been on 11 dates 11 DATES with a guy I couldn't bring myself to kiss more recently than I want to admit because 1 he was really interested, 2 I wasn't into anyone else was at the time, and 3 I was getting so much pressure from family and friends to just " date a nice guy already," after several weird situations with jerks that I wanted to really try with this one. That guy actually was a nice guy — our personalities were just not a fit — but I remembered doing a sneaky sniff test of his shirt and not. Chemistry is real. I would also advise against dating the " nice " guy: the guy who isn't really nice , but rather is desperate. He wants a girlfriend.

Why I Don’t Date Nice Guys

Nice is good, using being too nice as a form of manipulation or overcompensation to get girls is not. In dating, Nice Guy Syndrome looks like the guy who gives copiously and fixes excessively, in an effort to draw in women. This guy never lets his own needs be known or met. Instead, he focuses on what she or her friends want, hoping that his aloofness and flexibility are perceived admirably. Because it becomes kind of creepy. Last, and most important, is Nice Guys notoriously have their heads stuck in the clouds.

This image sums up how they see the world. Thinking this way is not a rare phenomenon among men. They say that men who are nice to women are destined to never be considered as more than friends. But that friendship was something he started under false pretenses, hoping to wear her down and make it a sexual relationship. A nice guy believes that women only go for assholes.

I suffered from the same confusion, not knowing why being nice is so problematic. At the end of the day, I was only being nice. The confusion went away after reading No More Mr.

Well, we were both right. So the real question is: if they are out there, how do you find the good ones? In fact, some of the most seemingly innocuous places are also the best places: the grocery store, the coffee shop, the library, you name it. The real formula for success?

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